Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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