wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
