i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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