dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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