i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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