Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
