Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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