He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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