Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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