so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
