So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
