Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
