i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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