What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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