erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
