you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
