Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
