I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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