why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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