Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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