sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
