I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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