R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
