Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
