Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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