My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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