These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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