It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
