Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
