Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
