You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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