If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
