I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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