Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
