Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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