The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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