I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
