i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
