You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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