i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
the liver wants what the liver wants
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
