drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
