Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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