when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
