she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
