I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
