i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize