Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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