I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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