I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
