my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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