This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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