Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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