Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
