I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
