I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I fill condoms, not promises.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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