shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
