what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
