she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
