There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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