I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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