if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
