Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
