i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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