he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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