i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
