I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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