I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
