Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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