Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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