shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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