Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
