I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
