she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i out mim tonsoeep
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
